One more biker/blogger joining Eric and Rachael on this page. I'll be using this font to differentiate my posts.
Eric is worried that no one is worried (see previous post), so I am writing this to allay his fears (after all, if there's anything my people know how to do well, it's worry). I have two main worries: (1) my bike isn't fast enough, and (2) a Southern dog will eat me alive because my bike isn't fast enough.
In order to ease my anxiety, I've decided to spend the weekend making my bike faster instead of making myself faster by doing more biking. I already have a new set of skinny tires on my bike, so there's only one way left (that I know of) to add some speed to my bike: add more flames. So far I have spray-painted my bike black (thanks Rob!), and placed (one rhinestone at a time) one flame on it. I'm going to touch up some of the paint (while trying not to remove excess canal mud) and bling it out with a few more rhinestone-flames, so it will be in good shape to cross the country.
The next step is to shop for the ultimate dog deterrent. It's looking like mace is the winner so far (while my dad's suggestion of a water bottle with some ammonia in it was a close second, I think it is likely to ultimately do more harm to thirsty humans), but if anyone has experience with bike-chasing-killer-dogs, I'm open to suggestions.
4 comments:
throw them something tastier than you, e.g. a steak, or (lighter) dog biscuits... of course that may attract them to you as well; its a fine line.
As a jogger, I know that dogs can be a threat. If you're on a bike, you've got great advantage because you're much higher than the dog and your feet are already kicking. If you just pace yourself on a bike and remember to keep moving, most dogs will realize it's not a game and give up.
Should a dog actually choose to bite you, it's worth spending some meditation time to come to the conclusion that a dog that bites you cannot live. There are two reasons for this, the dog MUST go to the hospital with you and you will never transport a strange dog that has already bitten you, once, to the hospital. Once you have this mentality, you begin to see things about the weaknesses of dogs. For example, an axe kick to a dog's spine just forward of the rear hips is a great way to break the spine. Once the spine is broken, it's easy to get the dog onto its side, at which point it's throat and neck veins are easily available for quick kicks or a suffocating stomp.
Also of note is that dogs are exhaustion hunters. They chase their prey and bite at what's available, usually, legs and stomach until an animal falls to the ground where they can then either just start eating it or finish it at the neck. In your case, being bipedal is a huge advantage because it's hard for a dog to get you in your vulnerable areas. So, remember, your first priority is to stay upright and protect vital organs with things like legs and arms. If possible, keep on trucking. Also, since you will be biking in a pack, if you can pacify the dog, some of the other bikers will be readily available to dispatch the animal for you.
Also, you must believe that anything on the dog (i.e. collar, name tag, stupid cutsie sweater) is immediately your personal property as soon as you have dispatched the animal. This way, if there are any records of the dog or an owner, you may be able to be treated more quickly/efficaciously and there will be repercussions for the owner, if possible. So, the next time you look at a dog, think to yourself, "I won't hesitate to end your existence if you do anything hostile." When you wear this look, sane dogs generally leave you alone.
Mendon, I love your post. All true, but I think you come off as a psychopath (in a good way). The anti-dog tools that I have are much more aggressive (pepper spray and folding knife).
If I have the chance, I will bring you back a pelt.
eric
I love the flames. It looks good on black cars, also.
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